Wednesday, February 13, 2008

To You Do I Cry All Day Long

Let me preface this with... I have not been sleeping well - Witt has been sick for two weeks now and up half the night because he can't breathe. I have allowed this lack of sleep to give me an excuse for being an impatient mom and allowing my prayer life and devotions to diminish.

I have been struggling to connect with Will. As the oldest, I know that he needs me less for the daily tasks of dressing, brushing teeth, etc., but I have been extending that too far into the daily tasks of playing, talking, snuggling. Like I said, I have really been struggling to connect with him... I want him to do more himself so that I have to do less. That's not the attitude I want to have.

My prayers these last few weeks have been repetitious, selfish, and plain lacking in heart. My early morning devotions - ceased to exist as 7:00am was coming way too soon for me.

Somehow last night I pulled myself together to take care of all three of my children alone as Jeff is away on business. I fed each of them, bathed them all, rocked and sang to the babies, and read a story and prayed with Will. As I sunk into my bed wearily but happy after a good evening with the boys, something inside of me prayed for a good night sleep. Not the selfish prayer of, "I NEED SLEEP!", but more a prayer of, "Please give me a good night's rest so I can rise early in a state ready to spend with you. I miss our time. I need our time. I need you, Lord."

You know what, he answered that prayer for me. Witt, although still sick and very congested, slept well enough. He fully woke only once for me to go in and feed him. This morning I rose 20 minutes before the remaining household. I grabbed my devotion book and this is what I read (Psalm 86:1-7):

1 Incline your ear, O LORD, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy.
2 Preserve my life, for I am devoted to you;
save your servant who trusts in you.
You are my God; 3be gracious to me, O Lord,
for to you do I cry all day long.
4 Gladden the soul of your servant,
for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
5 For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving,
abounding in steadfast love to all who call on you.
6 Give ear, O LORD, to my prayer;
listen to my cry of supplication.
7 In the day of my trouble I call on you,
for you will answer me.
Something in this was striking home. I read it again... and again... and again. I read it as if I was saying it about myself. "Please listen to me. I am devoted to you. To you do I cry all. day. long. Gladden my soul. You abound in love. Listen to me. I call on you in trouble." All true, true, true.

Somehow in all of this I start thinking about the parallelism of God, my Father, and me, his child. If that is what I want from my Father (parent) how would this read if Will were saying this to me? Here's what it might look like; I changed only a few things to help it read a bit better - please forgive my liberalities if it offends:

1 Get down on my level to listen, mom, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy.
2 Protect my life, for I am devoted to you;
save your child who trusts in you.
You are my mom; 3be gracious to me, mother,
for to you do I cry all day long.
4 Make my soul happy,
for to you, mom, I lift up my soul.
5 For you, mom, are good and forgiving,
abounding in steadfast love to all who call on you.
6 Listen, mom, to my prayer;
listen to my cry of supplication.
7 In the day of my trouble I call on you,
for you will answer me.

In reading it that way, I was brought to tears. I have not been doing a good job as of late. I haven't been listening to his soul; I haven't been making his soul glad. The thing that really gets me is that he just wants to "lift up his soul" to me. He wants his soul to be happy so he can make me happy. Have I been showing my children a steadfast love every time they call? Do I listen to their petitions? even the small ones of "come play with me"?

All of this leads up to the last verse. I want my children to know they can come to me in their time of troubles. I want them to know I will be there for them. In order for them to know that, though, I have to build the relationship with the foundation of the first six verses.

My prayer to God this morning? I couldn't think of anything beyond, "Thank you! Thank you! I needed that revelation. Thank you."

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laurel said...

Wow, Becky. Great post. We just talked about this the other day (our oldest boys...needing to connect), and this post definitely struck a chord with me. Getting up early makes such a difference...having that time alone with HIM. Putting everything in perspective. I hope today is joyous and full of connections with your children.

Super B's Mom said...

This is a very touching post. I see days like this ahead for me. Super B is growing and changing SO MUCH.

I hope you have a great day and hope Witt feels much better soon. :) May God bless you today!

Lulu said...

How beautiful, Becky! You have such a tender nature, especially when it comes to being an in-tune mom. Keep listening and know that God will keep revealing himself to you.

Beth said...

Bless your heart, Becky. You don't know how often I feel the same way...

orryally said...

Wow, today was totally one of those "get me out of the house!" type days for me, so this post resonated. I found myself wanting to just "do my own thing" instead of play with my Nathan (2), and Blake (7 mos.) was more demanding than usual (probably teething...). I had to take a little breather and just get my bearings- how much more effective that would have been if I'd just turned to God's Word as well!
Thankfully a little grocery shopping outing with just the 2 year old helped me reconnect with him a bit. One-on-one time doesn't happen often, but it's nice when it does.
Thanks for the encouragement to keep seeking our Heavenly Father in order to be good parents ourselves!
- Sally

Anonymous said...

Beautifully put!!!
The Lord is with you and Will!

It is difficult since the others are younger and more needy, so it becomes a breath of fresh air that Will can take care of himself. But, sometimes, that means he gets lost in the shuffle.

How wonderful it is that you were able to hear the voice of the Lord, and to recognize how valuable it is to daily living, that we connect with Him. We accomplish all things through Christ who strengthens us!

Peace to you and Will!

mom24 said...

Very nicely put! For me, getting up early is CRITICAL! I can't focus on God's word when I'm tired or rushed and then it doesn't hit my heart in a way that carries me through the day. But God is sooooo faithful, isn't He?