Thursday, April 9, 2009

Help with Boys

This is not a plea for parenting help. This is "girl talk" about boys.

So... I have this friend (I promise it's not me) that I think is really wanting a man in her life. Although still in her early 20's I believe she is a "wise soul" with understanding beyond her years. She proclaims herself to be a good "keeper of the home" - not minding the house work, enjoyment of serving others, adores kids, etc. - and would really like to settle down to family life. Personally, if I could... I'd make her my wife. LOL! :)

Although she is surrounded by (intelligent and financially secure) men at work, she is afraid of "looking silly". The image I get is of a puppy dog running around excited and panting. Who wants to be seen like that? Not me.


I probably looked exactly like that when Jeff and I first met.

When I first met Jeff I had just come out of a 5 year relationship. My first 3 years of college (yes, it took me 7 years to graduate with a BS... but it wasn't because I was failing... I was just taking my time, transferred schools, got stuck between quarters and semesters, co-oped for 6 quarters, and married a year before I graduated)... ANYWAY.... where was I? Oh yes...

My first 3 years of college were spent dating another guy who was at another college (we met in high school). I never had another guy ask me out during this time, even though my boyfriend was nowhere around. Now, I'm not saying that I was one of those "head turners" that gets asked out all the time, but certainly in the college years, you should be asked out occasionally... IF YOU PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE.

I honestly believe that I never put myself out there. It was like I was always wearing a shirt that said "I'm Taken" because I was constantly giving off the vibe of, "No, don't ask." For me, it wasn't that I didn't want to be seen as silly, but that I was taken.

It wasn't until my boyfriend and I decided to see other people that I began to get asked out... and it wasn't always who I wanted to be asking me, but I was being asked.

Then I met Jeff. He immediately won my heart and from Day 1, we were the goofiest couple of folks you ever saw. LOL! Even though we tried to keep our relationship quiet at first because we worked together, it wasn't long before everyone knew. They could see the silly glances and stares. The could see the flirty smiles and the dancing eyes. They knew an inside-joke when they heard one. I think it just made it worse that we were trying to keep it "hush hush" while the whole mill knew what was going on. :)

We had crazy conversations that I'm sure people overheard. There was one conversation from the first week we met (over 13 years ago!) and I remember it so plainly because it was so stupid (I mean silly!).

Me: Do you want to know what I think? (actually talking about work here)

Jeff: Do you want to know what I think you're thinking? (sly grin)

Me: Do you want to know what I think you're thinking I'm thinking? (sly-er grin)

Jeff: Yes. (huge, beautiful smile)

Was this silly? Oh. my. word. ABSOLUTELY. YES! Do I regret it? NO WAY, JOSE'!

My point is that you have to put yourself out there. Give off the "available" vibe; you don't have to give off the "Open for Business" vibe. There is a difference.

If you are too afraid of looking silly, you're probably giving off the vibe of "NO WAY, don't bother asking"... even if you don't mean to. You don't have to jump in and drown in the sea of men, but at least get your toe wet and start warming up to the water. :)

So there's my (completely not-asked-for, non-professional, while trying to be helpful and encouraging) advice.

What kind of advice do you ladies have? Care to share your story of how you met your man? Or how to warm up to the water in the sea of men? :)

(And to my friend... please don't hate me... I just saw this as a great opportunity to talk about my hubs again!)

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Nowheymama said...

Whereas I, upon declaring I was taking a break from dating, promptly met Scott and married him a year later.

Amy said...

I was Jeff's subsitute teacher (he was teaching 2nd grade & needed to leave 1/2 day to get his knee looked at).

You can say we were both HOT FOR TEACHER.

Meagan said...

Hey Becky,
Long time sorry its been crazy and have'nt had much time for the computer other than checking my email! I love the new page very nice work! Talk to you soon and hope to be back blogging soon!

Chef Penny said...

I met my husband at work and he was actually not the guy I wanted to ask me out. After I got terribly hurt by that guy, he was there to help me put myself back together. That's when I realized, hello???? Here's a great guy! We have been happily together for 16 years last month!

Super B's Mom said...

Gosh - it would be REALLY hard to be a single woman today, you know? I totally get why she wouldn't want to seem "silly" - because society has this standard for single women (that is thing is a joke, by the way.) I think a girl who is willing to "look silly" would be a breath of fresh air to a single guy. Someone who is more than just an "act" - who can just be herself. Does that make sense?

I say BE YOURSELF! There's definitely a way to be open without being OPEN for business...HAHA That sign still has me laughing...